I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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