yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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