My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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