I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
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You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
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I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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