I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
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Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
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WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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