well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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