glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize