im drinking this country out of the recession.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
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I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
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I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
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