evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize