Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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