we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
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I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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