fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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