So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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