if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize