just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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