Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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