i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You smell like stripper and shame
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
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i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
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did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
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