Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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