i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
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we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
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I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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