just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize