So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
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I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
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I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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