haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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