Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(337): View more from Louisiana

i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.

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(337): i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar. http://tfl.nu/sm5q

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"

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(780): she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!" http://tfl.nu/mre5

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(859): View more from Kentucky

make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.

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(859): make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through. http://tfl.nu/bvv7

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(518): View more from New York

we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.

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(518): we should become lesbians. not together. just in general. http://tfl.nu/a6ds

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(818): View more from California

Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.

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(818): Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you. http://tfl.nu/btkl

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.

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(304): Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit. http://tfl.nu/67fb

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.

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(413): He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m. http://tfl.nu/2wu4

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(304): View more from West Virginia

She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments

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(304): She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments http://tfl.nu/75se

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(206): View more from Washington

That's why there are breakfast margaritas.

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(206): That's why there are breakfast margaritas. http://tfl.nu/dzi9

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time

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(570): she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time http://tfl.nu/kzmt

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it

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(603): In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it http://tfl.nu/f0et

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(859): View more from Kentucky

the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.

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(859): the best sex is "duke just lost" sex. http://tfl.nu/zw67

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(905): View more from Ontario

Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.

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(905): Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out. http://tfl.nu/k7xk

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(843): View more from South Carolina

I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones

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(843): I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones http://tfl.nu/t1ex

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.

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(+44): She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina. http://tfl.nu/51hz

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