you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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