Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize