idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
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His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
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I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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