Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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