I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
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the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
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They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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