becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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