Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Randomize
Follow @tfln