Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
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I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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