Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
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After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
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Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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