He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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