see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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