He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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