i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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