pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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