I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
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I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
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I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
how does that bad decision feel?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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