what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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