State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
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She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
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She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
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