There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
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he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
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I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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