if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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