If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
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she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
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Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
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