don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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