my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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