If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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