I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize