nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
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