im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
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I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
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Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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