I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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